Five things boys say and what they really mean

Whatever After reader Polly Cotran delves into the mysteries of boy-speak...

1. "Nothing...": So, lets start with a classic scenario; you’re sitting with a boy, watching a film and chatting, when suddenly, he falls silent. Naturally, you wonder what he’s thinking about. The colour of the suit he’ll wear to your wedding? What you’re going to name your first-born child? How to inform you that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him and he wants to stay with you forever and ever? You get the drift. All the things that you – as a girl and therefore a totally normal person – would be considering in such a moment. So, you decide to help him out with his expression of undying love and ask him “what are you thinking about?” to which he will inevitably reply “nothing”. Now, obviously you automatically assume that it’s impossible to think of nothing, in fact, the real issue here is that he is simply to shy to express his innermost thoughts to you. Sorted.

However, word on the street (or at least, word with the random boys questioned on the matter) is that a girl massively underestimates a boy’s ability to LITERALLY think of nothing at all. In fact, one of the boys questioned even demonstrated this revelation to be by staring at me with a totally blank expression until I got freaked out and made him speak again. So there you have it, when a boy says he’s thinking about nothing, he means he’s thinking about nothing… and probably isn’t exactly planning your wedding. Sorry.

2. "See you later": Now, this ones a classic brainteaser, you’re with a boy, you’ve had a great day together and when he says goodbye to you he drops the bombshell “see you later”. BUT WHAT DOES LATER MEAN?! Does this mean that he can’t bear to be without you for any length of time at all and is therefore already planning a meeting that very same day? Or is “see you later” not to be taken literally? Does it simply equate to your average “bye”? So, I questioned some boys (who seemed normal enough) on the matter and it was swiftly concluded that “see you later” definitely does not mean “see you later”. Weird. To prove his point, one boy even informed me that he says “see you later” to his Grandma every Sunday, even though he KNOWS he won’t be seeing her until the next Sunday. Mad. Therefore, the English language is clearly not used in the same manner in boy-world as it is in girl-world, and “see you later” does not mean “see you later”…in any way…at all. Obviously.

3. "You look fine": Girls. If you haven’t taken this one on board already it needs to be done ASAP. When you ask a boy if they like your new *insert item of clothing here* YOU WILL NOT BE GETTING A USEFUL ANSWER. Even if they’re not saying anything they don’t mean, there is simply no point in asking any member of the male population this question. When it comes to fashion (amongst many, many other things) boys are generally utterly clueless. Let them stick to what they know and leave them to their x-box - which they probably won’t have looked up from to actually view the item before giving their opinion in the first place. End of discussion.

4. “I just don’t want to put a label on things”: Right. I’m going to keep this one short and sweet. Boys are not afraid of labels, they don’t refuse to shopping because the top they want might have a little bit of fabric on it telling them that it was made in Madagascar and is 98% polyester, do they? Well then, they shouldn’t be scared of them in terms of your relationship either. Lets face it, all not wanting to “label” your relationship really means is “I want to be able to get off with random girls at parties and then make you look weird when you get pissed off with me about it”. In short, “I just don’t want to put a label on things” = “I’m keeping my options open”. End of story.

5. "I prefer the no-makeup look...": And finally, here’s one that boys really do mean. When they say they don’t like girls to be wearing tons of make-up and fake tan, THEY MEAN IT. If a boy likes you, he should like you no matter what you look like, including when you’ve got no make-up on and your hair’s a mess and you’re wearing a onesie and slippers. And they’ll most probably prefer it if you don’t look like you’re doing your best impression of a tangerine… got it? Good.