30 January 2014

Top 10 Things You Can Do With Your Boyfriend

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Top 10 Things You Can Do With Your Boyfriend

The other day, we were just casually browsing Twitter, doing normal Twittery stuff (favouriting all the 'are you a beaver? Cos DAM!' tweets and stalking everyone Harry has ever replied to etc) when we came across something that stopped us in our tracks.

Now, hold up. We all know the whole boyfriend thing is a total minefield – getting one, keeping one, dressing one – but not knowing what to do with one??

There are SO many things! SO, so, SO many things!

Ok. There are 10 things.



1. Use him and all that he owns as an excuse to get out of your family gatherings.

“Oh, it's his mum’s birthday today and we're having a meal, so I can't come to Aunty Debbies’ with you after all.” (Then just hope your parents don't cotton on to how many 'birthdays' his mum has had this year.)


2. Play hoopla with him.

Stand him in the corner and throw loads of giant hoops at him until he gets angry but can’t do anything about it because OH DEAR turns out he's restricted by hoops.


3. Convince him to go to a festival/gig/summer in the city with you when you have no one else to go with.

Boyfriends HAVE to do that sort of thing, it’s the rules (note: also in the rules is a trade-off that you will support him by going to his rainy, outdoor football matches and pretend to listen to him when he tells you about atoms or whatever it is he talks about when you're pretending to listen).


4. Practise holding hands on the whistle

...you know, to avoid any future which-way-does-my hand-go situations.


5. Get him to ask your mum for things..

Mums love boyfriends, possibly because boyfriends remind them of being young and carefree (or because they're pleased that your ‘dressing up as a frog and watching tadpoles’ phase is behind you – just us?).

So this is your Perfect Opportunity to get what you want from her. Want to go on a night out in the city centre? Get him to ask! Want to learn to drive in her car? Get him to ask! Want to borrow money for a t-shirt with both your faces on? Get him t…no, actually, you should never, ever buy one of those.


6. Race him.

Against yourself and also against other people's boyfriends. Then you can make your own version of the Top Gear celebrity lapboard with top boyfriend speeds.


7. Practice on him.

Let's face it, he's probs not the one (sorry, but it's true). However, he's here and ready for you to make all your terrible relationship mistakes with. Mistakes such as being caught reading his texts, accidentally flirting with his friends, buying him terrible jumpers for Christmas… look at him, in that jumper. This guy is just WILLING you to learn.


8. Do the Sex

Only if you’re ready, obvs. If you're not, then don't. And we really can't stress that enough. No matter what anyone says, take it from us: there is absolutely no point rushing into this particular part of life. Only you know if you're ready. (The BBC have loads of good factfiles on sex advice. Here's one about safe sex: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/advice/factfile_az/safer_sex)


9. Teach him the dance routine you made up for the year six school disco.

The more people that know it, the less chance you have of forgetting it. EVER. Or at least, that’s what you can tell him while you film him shimming on the floor to ‘Party in the USA’.


10. Balance things on his head.

It would be interesting to see if he is naturally gifted when it comes to party tricks such as this.


And that’s it! Our ever so helpful guide to things you can do with your boyfriend. We think we’ve just about covered everything.


PS. They tend to eat on the hour, every hour.

PPS. We meant what we said about the t-shirt thing.

PPPS. Are you a beaver, cos daaaaammmm.

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