Not in Love?
15 lessons of singledom
Fifteen things I’ve learnt about not falling in love
Don't worry it hasn't happened to everyone yet...
People you know will fall in love and it might
seem like they change. Maybe they won't hang out with you as much, or maybe
it’ll feel like they need you less. This won't last forever, whether they carry
on being in love or not.
When people you know do fall in love don’t be
bitter or jealous. It’s rubbish to not be happy for your friends and it’s a
horrible feeling. You’d want the people you care about to be happy for you.
There are lots of people who I love and who love
me back, but who I’m not in love with
and they’re not in love with me either. That’s pretty fab.
Especially because falling in love looks pretty
complicated and it can get pretty messy because life is complicated and messy
and not a fairy tale, and sometimes NOT falling in love is so much nicer! Being
friends with someone in a totally lovely platonic way is just as special as
being in love.
You can get with people (lots of people!) and
you won't fall in love with any of them and they won't fall in love with you
and that’s totally cool. Girls are allowed to have fun too and I’m not about
any double standards here. If you’re happy, then everything’s marvellous.
Having said that, you don’t have to get to get
with anyone if you don’t want to!! It’s all about doing your thing and having a
super time and being happy…
… because that’s THE BEST THING about not being
in love; you are totally and utterly independent and no one relies on you and
you don’t rely on anyone and you can do pretty much WHATEVER you want (as long
as it isn’t mean or illegal).
Making a coven and casting love spells is really
fun and almost definitely works. Probably. (Just don’t get too weird and start
using your own blood, or stealing a lock of hair, or sacrificing small birds).
Sometimes you’ll meet someone that you feel you
could definitely love and maybe even you do love, but they don’t love you back
and that will hurt. Move on; don’t wait around for people because that never
helped anyone find love. LITERALLY, no
Sometimes it feels like no one is falling in
love with me because I’m not loveable. That’s bullshit because point three. This
is super important to remember because you can’t derive value from who is or
isn’t or has or hasn’t fallen in love with you.
You have to be ready to fall in love with the
most unlikely people. You can’t rule people out because of stupid things like
height difference, or style, or music taste, or coolness, or haircut.
Valentino once said that ‘red is the colour that
never fades into the background’. Who is going to fall in love with you if no
one can even see you?!
I think this sort of translates as needing to
get OUT THERE. You need to be open and accepting and the best possible you and you
need to be saying YES to life.
It’s cringey and clichéd but you need to
properly seriously utterly and totally LOVE YOURSELF because your value isn’t
based on who is or isn’t or has or hasn’t fallen in love with you. I’ve said
that already but it’s SO IMPORTANT that I’ve said it again. Cool.
The most important thing I’ve learnt about not falling
in love is CHILLING OUT. It’ll happen, maybe. Probably lots of times. Or maybe
not. Maybe only once. Or maybe I’ll just meet loads of people who I really
really like, but never love. Whatever. It’s not actually a big deal. Keep the
faith but don’t stress.