Best Friends and Boys-The Ten Golden Rules
The how to guide to getting the boyfriend / girl friend balance just right
We don’t want to come across all Disney on you now, but friends are one of the most important things in a girl’s life, and yet boys are strangely distracting too... It can be hard to balance boyfriends and girl friends. Here are Whatever After's tips on how to do it.
1. Never. Ever. Cheat. Just don’t do it! Getting off with your friend’s boyfriend is the cardinal sin of friendship and is nearly always impossible to get back from, AKA friendship OVER! And no guy is worth that. It's a betrayal and pretty much the worst one in the book. Don't expect them to ever forgive you but do expect Mean Girls style warfare and a lot of tears.
2. Hating a friend’s boyfriend is dangerous. First of all do you actually hate him or do you just resent him for taking your friend away? And if you do actually hate him why? Even if the reason is valid you don't want to put your friend in a situation where she is picking between you so keep calm and be there for her regardless. Thirdly, there's a fine line between love and hate. Is your hatred masking the fact that you actually have feelings for him? Because that is a whole other issue...
3. Going out with a friend’s ex is dangerous. It all depends on the way in which the relationship ended; if he cheated/lied/broke her heart it would be advisable to avoid the boy like the plague, for both your sakes. If, on the other hand, she cheated/lied/broke his heart, or they may even have split amicably, it’s a whole different ball game. The vital thing is to ask your friend before anything happens, although take whatever she says with a pinch of a salt the size of Russia; it could well be that she’s hiding her true feelings from you in order to protect her pride.
4. Boys are not for sharing. Random get offs can be a lot of no-strings attached fun, but when you and all your friends are getting with the same guys, it can cause problems. Although we wouldn’t say it’s a total no go area, you only have to think about it for the length of time it takes to hum along to the Friends theme tune, before it starts to get a bit weird. He’s had his tongue down how many of our throats?! And does that technically mean we’ve all shared saliva…?
5. Flirting can be harmful. Flirting with a friend’s boyfriend, even if it is just a bit of ‘harmless’ fun, will make your friend feel as good about herself as a leopard with no spots, so just don’t do it. It’s often easy for some good old fashioned banter to turn into casual flirting, so make sure that all your jibes are purely Platonic, otherwise you’ll end up hurting your friend, probably without even meaning to or noticing.
6. Love triangles are messy. You’re normally friends with someone because you like the same stuff; you both love Nicki Minaj and hate Cher Lloyd, you can’t stand The Apprentice but won’t miss an episode of Big Brother, but this can also mean sharing a passion for the same guys. Liking the same guy is difficult, particularly if neither of you have a claim to him, as it’s hard for one of you to just turn off your feelings towards him. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, but competition between you and your bestie is definitely not healthy for your friendship, so have a reasonable conversation and try to sort it out in a way that doesn’t involve you both wearing the most revealing dress you can find and seeing who he picks, Take Me Out style.
7. Sisters before misters. Hell yeah! Your friends are the melted butter to your toast and you couldn’t live without them, so appreciate them; this means no bailing on a friend’s birthday to spend time with your man. But your friends need to appreciate that your boyfriend is an important part of your life, and you’re going to want to spend time with him. So know what’s reasonable and what isn’t and get the balance right. Spending all your time with one person is boring anyway.
8. There's more to life. Your boyfriend is obviously great and you just love the way he runs his hand through his hair and the super cute way he answers his phone and how he has a lucky pair of socks, but, and we hate to be blunt here, everyone else probably doesn’t care. Talking about your relationship with your friends is great, but doing it ALL THE TIME can get dull for everyone else around you; try to remember that there really isn’t much they can contribute to the conversation when you start talking about his handwriting, and not being able to get a word in edge ways isn’t the best way to spend time.
9. Her relationship is her business. Watching a friend walk into a situation where you know she’ll get hurt is difficult, but there’s a fine line between looking out for a friend and controlling her relationship, and allowing this line to blur, even if your intentions are virtuous, is not conducive to a good friendship. Remember: you and your friend are different people so although you may think that a guy choosing to spend Friday night watching Family Guy with his pet dog rather than Four Weddings and a Funeral with you (again) is grounds for splitting up, she may be fine with it. Their relationship is theirs and no one likes a control freak.
10. Be there to pick up the pieces. Having said that, friends are there to look after one another. This means taking those hysterical phone calls at three in the morning, baking her triple chocolate brownies when they split up and sacrificing your favourite dress for her so that she looks extra hot the first time she sees him again. Is this not the Oxford Dictionary definition of friendship? No?! Well it should be.
But the most important rule to remember is that no guy is ever worth ruining a friendship for. Remember this and it will be obvious how to behave in all situations, no matter how overly complex, awkward or impossibly Jersey Shore they seem.
This feature was written by Whatever After reader Roz. If you want to write for us, send your ideas to firstname.lastname@example.org